Alone in the Dark - DVD podBLAST

Another Ewe Boll film. Well, what can you say about a director that has admitted his movies are bad, then in the same breath blamed the video games they're based on as not being good source material? Seriously, what can you say?

Who gives a shit, it's perfect blasting material. Bad movie, laughable performances (we're looking at you, Tara Reid), pointless gore, spooky caves that are really alternate dimensions... perfect.

So, let's go out on a limb here and say...

Thank you, Ewe. Thank you.

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life - DVD podBLAST

Super-sexy Angelina Jolie is all T's & A in this franchise deuce, though you would never know it. It's like the movie was cut with gay men and jealous girlfriends in mind.

So with no gratuitous shots of Mrs. Pitt, what are you left with? Pandora's "box"? Yeah, we know... sounds promising, but it turns out to be lame.

But: The dude with all the pecs and abs from 300 is in it.

Finally. A film for the Gay Male Gamer.

Ghostrider - DVD podBLAST

Nicholas Cage rides through this pile of crap (yet another poorly realized Marvel adaptation) admirably, though clearly much of his time was spent in his trailer while the animators took over.

Try to forget that he made a deal with the devil and can't be killed, and you may just sense some drama here and there.

Two other things to note: Eva Mendes can't even pull off a convincing news reporter. Uh, Eva? The Academy called. They'd like you to go home now.

One of the greatest mis-casts ever:
Wes "...there's so much beauty in the world..." Bentley as Blackheart-The-Squeaky-Voiced.

Reindeer Games - DVD podBLAST

We like Ben Affleck. We really do. Why he happens to be in so many BLASTed movies is a mystery.

Make no mistake, though, Reindeer Games sucks hard. If it's not the championship collection of stupid double-crosses, then it's the several unbelievable leaps of logic. Pointless narration? Got it. Lame, unrealistic villains? Yep. Someone to root for? A sympathetic hero? Uh, no.

However, Charlize Theron appears twice with minimal clothing.