Thursday, April 12, 2007

Dungeons & Dragons - DVD podBLAST

Just very simply - this may be the worst adaptation of anything, ever.

If you are a player of D&D, if you've ever played D&D, if you've heard of D&D, or if you've ever walked past a gaming store in the mall, this movie should offend you to the core.

Most offensive is Marlon Wayans... or Thora Birch... or the blatant Star Wars rip-offs... or the fact that Thora Birch was nominated for two awards that aren't designed to make fun of her.

Unless you are a level 5 wizard, do NOT watch this movie without the BLAST, which will give you +50 endurance.


Anonymous Akito said...

Actually, I'm not a social-type person. I DO know folks online what do the D&D thing, but we've never been able to get a big enough group rolling. Personally, I wanna do the World's Largest Dungeon. A billion pages long with enough stuff to keep a good, explore-happy party set for WELL over a year. Check this shit out. This group in the UK recorded themselves playing WLD. It is 69 segments, 40 sessions, and 123 1/2 hours long. And I have listened to it TWICE.

The main guys from it just moved to the US and I am eagerly awaiting their next adventure because they found a GEM. A guy playing a nihilistic dwarven bard whose favorite activity is complaining about the nonexistance of NATURE.

Anyway, thanks for doin' my request, guys. I'm actually laid up with some doom-disease again and have felt like broiled ass since yesterday, so thanks for surprising me with the D&D 'Blast and giving me some good laughs.

Also, I thought I heard someone almost call the Cinco de Mayo special the Cinco de Blotto ep. Was I imagining shit or what?

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Akito said...

Hadta take the 'Blast in two parts due to needing a nap after overeating Papa John's. God.

D Sez, after a fart: "That's a Snails breeze."

That one sounded WET, dude. Did you leave some Snails trails in your underoos?

2:04 PM  
Anonymous Maxthesilent said...

Jesus, is Bill on dial-up or something? How long does to take to bring up an IMDB page!?

11:13 PM  
Anonymous MaxTheSilent said...

And I think D followed through on that last fart.

12:54 AM  
Blogger Matt said...

You know, I've never played D&D. I don't even know anyone who has. Which is amazing, since I don't have a life.

4:49 PM  
Anonymous Akito said...

Yeah, I wouldn't even know where to LOOK for D&D people in my town. Bible Belt + "Satanic" Game = Durrrrr.

I'm more a video gamer, really. I'm 25, so I was there for the NES happening. Growing up in the 80s fuckin' rocked.

And as I KNOW there be gamers here, I thought I'd drop another quick comment to paste this:

They have gotten the Super Mario Brothers 1 speed run down to five minutes flat. It's amazing because the emulator-assisted run of the game - using slow down and save states and shit - is ALSO 5 minutes. Homeboy has reached gaming perfection and I cannot express how insane it is to watch.

World 8 can lick me. I dunno how this guy did it.

4:01 PM  
Blogger directorscut said...

Wow! It took only 7 minutes for The Mangler to lose his shit over this movie.

2:18 PM  

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