Thursday, May 17, 2007

The Marine - DVD podBLAST

Fans of explosions and hard nipples rejoice: Your film has arrived.

Fans of WWE and John Cena who also have no brain (or a non-functioning brain): Enjoy the film. We know you will.

Fans of rock candy: Prepare to take up arms.

Fans of entertainment;
fans of not being insulted;
fans of not wasting hard earned money on crap;
fans of "UNRATED" meaning, "You can jack it to this movie";
fans of shit that doesn't suck shit:
This BLAST is for you.

(Quick clarification: There is nothing inherently wrong with explosions or hard nipples. We just feel that a movie should not be based around them. Well, not entirely. Well, depends on the movie.)


Anonymous MaxTheSilent said...

Walsho makes a good point in saying that the tag 'Unrated' really does mean absolutely nothing.

A few years ago it was simply a way for studios to get away with gutting a movie before release by promising more extreme content later on. It sucked cock that it had to be this way, but genuinely extreme movies like LAND OF THE DEAD were definitely made better by this.

Now it's nothing more than a meaningless marketing gimmick to shift a few more DVDs. When even kid-friendly tripe like WWE films are using this tag you know it means nothing.

4:00 PM  
Blogger Matt said...

See No Evil is another blast-worthy WWE movie too. Glen Jacobs makes for a decent on-screen psycho, but the movie is just so lame, I'm surprised it got a theatrical release at all.

I'm sure The Condemned is blast-worthy as well, but I haven't seen it. And judging by the box office numbers, nobody else has seen it either.

9:37 PM  
Anonymous Akito said...

I...really haven't a lot to say on this other than 'thank god it was short.'

The only exposure to this film was the Film Pigs' vlog on it. And just from that I knew it was craptacular.

Short, bitter, but out the door fast enough that the pizza won't congeal!

10:02 PM  
Blogger directorscut said...

DVD podblast: Back on form.

This film awful. The car chase scene is the most ridonkulous thing I have ever seen (although a few other scenes from this film come close)

10:41 AM  

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