Epic Movie - DVD podBLAST

We've done the franchise killers, we've done the career killers, we've even done the director killers. Here's a new one...

The Genre Killer.

If the makers of Airplane and Top Secret knew back then that this was where zany comedy was headed, they probably would have just stuck with their day jobs. Luckily for everyone, looking into the future is impossible.

Unfortunately for DVD podBLAST, un-watching a movie is also impossible.

The Bonfire of the Vanities - DVD podBLAST

The title, The Bonfire of the Vanities, refers to an event in 1497 whereby a puritanical leader in Italy sent his Troops of Morality house to house, requesting that folks give up their "vanities" - paintings, cosmetics, "pagan" books - and throw them onto the 15-story bonfire.

Nice.

As the undisputed modern day equivalent of the Troops of Morality, DVD podBLAST will soon be going door to door, nicely asking people to give up their DVD copies of The Bonfire of the Vanities so we may throw them atop the ritual pyre, apty named, "The Bonfire of The Bonfire of the Vanities."

Jaws The Revenge - DVD podBLAST

The earliest known sharks date back to about 400 million years ago. Dinosaurs appeared around 200 million years ago and were gone in the blink of an eye (geologically speaking) because they sucked.

Sharks, on the other hand, rule, and are still around. Hungrier and more pissed off than ever, they have evolved to hold grudges and survive on a steady diet of kids. Their black hearts pump nitro glycerin and they can smell grandma stank from halfway around the globe.

(This is shit you don't get from Shark Week, people.)

The only known humans that can survive a shark attack are Michael Caine and Mario Van Peebles, but Mario has to be affecting a bad Jamaican accent, and Caine has to be pulling that bullshit accent that he has.

So, in conclusion--
Sharks: Sweet
Dinosaurs: Lame
DVD podBLAST: Awesome
RiffTrax: Douchebags