Crossroads - DVD podBLAST

Produced at the height of Britney Spears' sex-kitten fame, Crossroads suffers from an identity crisis. Much like the current Ms. Spears. Hmmmm.

Anyway, is it produced for tweener fans of Britney? If so - who's the filmmaking wizard that came up with the gratuitous scenes of Britney dancing in her underwear to make ordinary tweens feel fat and ugly?

Or is it produced for thirty-something men who have longed for just a little bit more Britney skin ever since they laid eyes on the Hit Me Baby One More Time video? If so - yikes.

One thing that seems to be universally agreed upon though: HOLY SHIT SHE'S HOT!!

Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift - DVD podBLAST

A troubled Southern teen (Lucas Black) travels to the land of the distant sun to live with his troubled, whore-loving father. (Sound familiar? Thought so. Yeah, we're talking to YOU!)

Within hours of arriving, he falls in love with another troubled foreigner, gets caught up in the world of drift racing, and is taken under the wing of a Japanese mobster with a huge supply of exotic four-bangers and a taste for cheesy snack crackers.

Well, as you might expect, one does not become number-one roundeye overnight. So, some trials and tribulations happen, after which the ultimate race for domination (and sweet, slutty love) is set up.

As you have already guessed, Good Guy drifts the shit out of Bad Guy, wins The Girl, then rolls into the strangest cameo scene in drift racing movie history.

Leprechaun - DVD podBLAST

One year before she became Jennifer "Rachel Green" Aniston, she was just Jennifer "Tory Reding" Aniston, running around kicking ass on an innocent, homicidal Leprechaun.

He just wants his gold, people! Just give him his gold!

OK, seriously? We barely remember the movie. Hope the BLAST is OK.

Check www.dvdpodblast.com on Monday for some pics.

Caddyshack II - DVD podBLAST

The quintessential example of filmmakers thinking "Hey, it was funny in number one, let's really amp it up for number two!"

Rumor has it that Rodney Dangerfield was asked to do it, but wanted to contribute to the script. When the filmmakers refused his request, he declined.

Now, your humble BLASTers have no way of actually knowing, but something tells us that Rodney would have started it something like this:
----
FADE IN

A beautiful GOLF COURSE on a beautiful day.

Bitchin' MUSIC rocks the credits like Gyllenhaal.

A cute, mischievous GOPHER digs up five feet of turf before:

GOPHER IS KILLED.
----

Actually, that 1/4 page would have made a better movie than their 90 pages.

Son of the Mask - DVD podBLAST

Don't let the hilariously clever title throw you - this movie blows.

In this episode of "Franchise Killer Theatre", we find Jamie Kennedy as a down-on-his-luck cartoonist who gets a hold of The Mask. After wearing it to a very convenient costume party (<** party scene deleted from memory **> he comes home and breaks off a little somthin-somethin with the old lady.

Fast forward nine months (really, 40 weeks, people), and little baby is born with all the powers of the mask, yet none of the associated laughs.

As a nervous parent, Ja <** deleted memory **> ing, but not before <** deleted **>, which ends up <** delete **>

F<** emergency memory dump \sonofthemask **>

<** \release endorphin **>

Elektra - DVD podBLAST

What is the deal with ninjas? Aren't they supposed to be ruthless killing machines sans conscience?

Shouldn't movies about ninjas be awesome? Free of cliches? Full of killin'?

Just curious.


Jennifer Garner - yum.
(DTM does not approve of previous line)